You Have Two Cows
Classical Civilization
You have two cows, one in Athens and one in Sparta. In Athens, the cow is the wise cowncillor of the city. In Sparta, the cow is the brave cownqueror. They both like to invade unintelligent sheep that go “baar baar” (called barbarians) for sport and then milk them. One day, the Spartan cow is sent to depose the cowncillor in Athens. The Spartan cow wins, and milks the cowncillor. Then the Romans come in, pours the milk into their inventions—sewers, eat both cows during an orgy, and vomit them out so their stomachs can take more. Everyone else comments on how civilized they are.
Microsoft Windows
You have two cows and a stupid dog in the corner telling you where to find your damned files. One of your cows has caused a general protection fault and now neither of them will ever produce milk again, even if you kill them and replace them with two brand new cows. The dog never dies.
Apple
You have two cows. They are beautiful and work perfectly, but no one will buy them, probably because their milk isn’t compatible with the majority of cereal. They will buy your chicken, however, which helps your stock.
Stephen King
You have 2 cows, but it takes 700 pages of boring crap to find that out.
Darwinism
Your two cows are food.
Atheism
I can’t believe these cows!
Darth Vader
I find your lack of cows disturbing.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
And finally my own version of:
Pure Capitalism
You dont have two cows, but you still somehow sell 2-cow’s capacity milk! It may not be even milk cos’ it’s outsourced, but the label says ‘drink at your own risk’, anyway! Sell your milk company to Google and retire with a million dollar bonus before someone sues you! 🙂
Priscilla's Blog 